When I decided to write this book on relationship, my wife Barbara was surprised and cautioned me by saying that she would not dare write such a book because it was such a varied topic with so many nuances. That scared me because she is certainly more qualified to write about relationship than I am. I hesitated for a while.
Most of my writing had been on
housing, business, woodworking, even publishing, but nothing on relationship.
It's an expansive topic and I wasn't sure if my information would be of real
value. I considered that all my books are based on first hand experience and
realized that even though I'm not an expert, I have a life time of experience
in relationship. Based on that I felt able to contribute something helpful to
some readers and I feel good about this book.
Grady HarpTop
Contributor: Children's Books
HALL OF FAMETOP 500 REVIEWER
5.0 out of 5 stars `Relationships are not about competition
between partners. It should be about giving and taking.'
Reviewed
in the United States
Verified Purchase
A. William Benitez's career is not as a
therapist (his work included the construction business, governmental housing
official, woodworking, IT manager for Hyatt Regency, founder of Positive
Imaging, LLC writing and publishing) and he succeeds in this book about
Relationships because of the gentle manner in which he relates his insights. He
has an innate understanding about relationships that work (he is currently
happily married for 23 years in a very strong and sustainable marriage) and
ones that fail (his first marriage of 17 years ended in divorce) and has the
courage to admit that he is one half of each relationship - a gratifyingly
honest approach to view life in retrospect as well as with introspection. Or as
he states, `My goal with this book is that, as an individual, parent,
grandparent, spouse, and lover, I might be able to share just a small amount of
information you might find of value.'
As far as the structure of this warm book of supportive guidance is concerned
the author states, `This book contains ten chapters entitled: What Is Love,
What is a Good Relationship, Fostering and Nourishing Relationships, Harming
Relationships, Mutual Respect, Boundaries, Marriage, Breakups and Divorce,
Helpful Tips, and Final Thoughts. All the chapters contain information based
almost exclusively on personal experience that I hope helps to create safe,
happy, and healthy relationships.' And from that platform for discussion, we
join Benitez in a drawing room atmosphere of heart to heart conversations about
each of the topics he outlines.
His highlighted phrases scattered through the book are gems to ponder, phrases
like `Love is caring for another person enough to want for her what she wants
for herself, even if what she desires is not in your best interest.' After
making statements such as this, Benitez dissects it, amplifies it with either
personal experiences or postulated ones until we understand the concept
completely.
So much of what is shared here is not earthshakingly original: there are
therapists and erudite textbooks that serve that purpose. The reason Benitez
succeeds is that he is so open and straightforward in the way he discusses
those elements of humanity that must be respected in every individual in order
to bond with another individual. His suggestions on how to nurture a
relationship are simple but so often forgotten (as in the infinitely important
art of conversing), his explanation of how to respect boundaries is as solid as
anyone has written, and his definitions of how relationships can be harmed is
especially poignant (and he is not afraid to discuss spousal abuse openly).
A few other phrases that stand out: `Regard your partner with consideration,
appreciation, and acceptance just as she is, not as you believe she should be.
Accept and value your partner's point of view even if it differs from yours.
Honor your partner's right to privacy by not intruding, interfering, or
spying.' `Boredom and predictability can hurt relationships as can the lack of
joy and spontaneity.' This is a book of wisdom from experience - one that will
touch many aspects of each reader's viewpoints and hopefully will provide
examples for change where change is needed. Grady Harp
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