Monday, November 15, 2010

One's Word

I was raised to be a person who's word meant everything. It takes a lot from me if the time comes when I cannot do what I thought I could do. For instance my mother lived with me, she had MS and for 17 years her disability in many ways defined both of our lives. I was her caretaker and we were best friends. I promised her I would not ever leave her, yet a time came when her illness took a turn for the worse and it was dangerous for her to be left alone. There were no options for I had to work or we would have had no roof over our head. She could not be alone for the 10 to 12 hours I was at work. So after a lengthy stay between the hospital and rehab she made the decision for both of us and went into assisted living. To this day 10 years later I still hurt over not being able to keep her with me. I know it was the best for her and I know she was happy in assisted living. Yet I still feel in some ways I failed her. To this day when circumstances force me to take steps other than those I believed I would take in the beginning, it takes its toll on me. I will always miss her. Yet this lesson has taught me to let go when things are at the point that I cannot save the situation be a job or a relationship.

2 comments:

  1. This is a very touching blog. I know many people have been faced with a very similar situation. No one can foretell the future or know what life will give to us or what circumstances will be at any given point in time. I think what really means the most is what you truly believed you could do and where your heart was -- then and now in the right place. Great words -- simple, honest, and loving. <3

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  2. Oh Lisette your understanding of what I wrote from my heart means the world to me. Thank you.

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