Monday, November 15, 2010
I was raised to be a person who's word meant everything. It takes a lot from me if the time comes when I cannot do what I thought I could do. For instance my mother lived with me, she had MS and for 17 years her disability in many ways defined both of our lives. I was her caretaker and we were best friends. I promised her I would not ever leave her, yet a time came when her illness took a turn for the worse and it was dangerous for her to be left alone. There were no options for I had to work or we would have had no roof over our head. She could not be alone for the 10 to 12 hours I was at work. So after a lengthy stay between the hospital and rehab she made the decision for both of us and went into assisted living. To this day 10 years later I still hurt over not being able to keep her with me. I know it was the best for her and I know she was happy in assisted living. Yet I still feel in some ways I failed her. To this day when circumstances force me to take steps other than those I believed I would take in the beginning, it takes its toll on me. I will always miss her. Yet this lesson has taught me to let go when things are at the point that I cannot save the situation be a job or a relationship.